Yes, that's right, I'm confused or at least the last 48 hours of my life I've been confused. These last couple of days have really been hard on me...not a great emotional time for this 46 year old woman. Why, well there are a number of reasons, but mainly it's because I still don't understand a thing about men, about dating; I second guess myself, my opinion of some of the men I've been seeing and at last count, the advise I'm giving to my daughter on her tribulations with her boyfriend.......remember how you felt in High School? Bingo!
Why you ask? Well it's because I've figured out that I don't date well. Dating is hard, at least for me. Oh, don't get me wrong, it's easy in some sense and can add fodder to your blog or your conversations with friends when that first date doesn't go well. But once you get past the first date and you've developed an interest, well that's when it all goes haywire. For me it seems that dating more than one person at a time doesn't work...I can't start to develop communication, attraction, or anything else with one person and then "grab a bite" with someone else. It seems my interest stays with one person at a time. The problem with this is that if and/or when the person you're concentrating on goes south, where does it leave you? You've passed on other opportunities, said, "thank you but I'm pursuing something elsewhere" and then, nothing. You're back to ground zero and may have lost a great chance at someone who was really, honestly interested in you.
This relates to my last post in a couple of ways...maybe I shouldn't date, I'm happy, successful, have great friends, etc. Do I need to add angst, insecurity or sadness to my day. I've been quite happy over the last 7 years. Yes I've dated, but I've always had in the back of my mind that I wasn't interested in pursuing anything with any of the men I was seeing; so no emotional turmoil. I've had male friends who've been there for the male perspective on life, the occasional romantic evening, etc. I was good, I was level headed, I was happy. So why would I suddenly decide, "It's time for love in my life"? I know I want love, desire someones company and that I deserve it. It just seems that with my first foray into the search, I haven't found what I expected. I had forgotten that people don't always go at the same pace as you. That they don't always follow through with what they say and especially that this can disappoint you.
So where does that leave me? According to one of my male friends, I should go back to not dating for love but date for sex....with him specifically...lol. Joking aside, he repeatedly said, don't give up, "some of us are looking for the same thing you are"....I just need to find those men. Okay, great I said with my happy voice, please tell me how to do that? How do I know those men from the others? How do I tell when someone is being sincere? When they are truly interested? I swear I thought I had that one down....but apparently my "sincerity" meter has gone array. I obviously need a repair man! Someone get me the Yellow Pages quick!
One last thought....maybe it's music's fault. Maybe it's my choice in music these days. Maybe I should stop listening to Al Green, Chaka Khan and Michael Franks! I know I should definitely stop paying attention to the words. Hmmmm...didn't Al Greens wife throw hot grits on his face after finding out that he was fooling around.........
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4 comments:
So LD, I think you're going about this all wrong (and this is speaking as a married woman about to celebrate my 10th anniversary)...
Dating should be fun - not work, and to read your blogs it seems like you're just not enjoying yourself. Seems like you're working too hard to find that "MR RIGHT", and not enjoying the idea of just meeting new people, learning new things, and just having fun.
Did I ever tell you that when my hunny & I met, yes I thought he was CUTE, but that I wasn't looking for "THE MAN"? That I actually had reached a point that it was ok to be by myself (and yes, I know you've been single for a long time - but have you truely been okay with it?). When R & I first went out - it was as friends, nothing more. We went rollerblading. And it was at that time that I found my Mr. Right. I'm a firm believer that if you go looking for love you never find it - it will always be one step away, just out of your reach (or so you think).
You have to step back, look at yourself first. See what you want in your life - do you want a new career? a new city? a new haircut? to get you to the "happy/content" place in your life that you should be before you even contemplate entering into a long-term commitment with a man.
It is only then, after your at peace with yourself, good in the thought that you're okay, and life does go on without that special someone that you'll be content enough and then you'll just BUMP into the one you're meant to be with - whether that time frame be a month or 70 years.
Don't be fooled by old thoughts that a woman isn't complete without a man in her life... that's logic for our grandparent's generation - and trust me, they weren't all happy with it. They just didn't know there were other options.
Spend time with your friends - rejoice in the things that make you the wonderful, beautiful person that we all love and adore. And know that life can be perfect, whether or not you're with one person or a bunch of people - it's what you bring to the mix that counts!
Hang on sister! I am definitely not taking this too seriously. I have always enjoyed my singledom and will continue to do so. My venting on this blog is used as an outlet to the normal stresses, etc. associated with dating.
My career is solid, my family...solid, my friends, well they're the best. It is just now that I've decided to concentrate more on my personal "dating" life. That being said, when you start accepting dates, etc...it becomes time consuming and I hate to waste time. Hence venting on the dates that do so.
And HBPThomas, you know better than anyone that I'm one of the happiest people you know! Screw my grandparents or even my parents generation....I can live just fine without a man in my life daily....I've just decided I may not want to!
Lots of Love,
LadyLD
Just as long as you feel that you're still having "fun"! You were just sounding like it was all work and no play - and that's just not fun... And I stand very firm - that if you're looking for "Mr Right" you wont find him. There's a lot to be said for chance!
HBPthomas -
Girlie, you are absolutely right, but if I'm not putting my self out there in some manner to meet someone, well I highly doubt they'll find me in my apartment in Pacifica. I've laid low for 7 years...now I'm moving to a different drummer...specifically a Salsa drummer. Lessons once a week, practice once a week, still seeing my friends, entertaining clients, etc. I'm not concentrating solely on dating. If I was, I'd go crazy!! lol
xo LadyLD
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